the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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