We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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