meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
