Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
