Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
