He is such a slut. More and more my type.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
