Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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