Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
