I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
