I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
