it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
