I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
