you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
