he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
