fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize