I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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