i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
