I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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