I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
