planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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