i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
nutella sex= disaster
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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