no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
