Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
