i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
