she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
