Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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