No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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