awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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