Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
