Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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