Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
