Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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