Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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