So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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