dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
