um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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