ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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