let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
