this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
