so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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