I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
