Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
