life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
