dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
