Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
