Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
