I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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