similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think people are normalizing furries
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
