I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
