Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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