My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
