R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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