fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
