Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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