I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
