Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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