Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
