i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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