when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
