Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
did i just pee glitter
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
