Don't you send me to vm
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
