haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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