therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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