He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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