You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
