his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
