shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
