Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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