ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
