I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
