apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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