So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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