did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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