We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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