your room smells of hookers.
And success
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
