Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can you bring me the toilet please
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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