There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
