I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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