Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
