Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
