I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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