i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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