I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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