Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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