Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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