What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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