I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
