they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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